Advice for Questioning + The Power to Choose

November 21, 2024

Last updated: November 21, 2024

When people reach out with questions about how to know when to confirm that they are something, or express worry in “faking” their alterhuman/nonhuman identity or the feelings associated with a specific ‘type they’re questioning, I often tell them that they’re thinking about it too hard. Which is often true. Because while I think that it’s excellent to do some amount of introspection about your identity, I definitely don’t think that one needs to agonize over all the small details when they’re just starting to figure things out.

When I’m questioning a new identity, I often use three simple questions to help figure it out.

• Does the entity that I am currently questioning have any traits, tropes, or other qualities in common with something that I already know that I am? Could these feelings be attributed to something that I already know about myself?
• Do I want to be this thing? Would I feel solace in being this entity? If I were this entity, would that simple fact make me experience any negative feelings solely by itself?
• And the most important question: Do I feel a sense of selfhood with this entity? Do I recognize myself in it? Does it emit a sense of “me”?

I also tend to advise people not to agonize over whether the identity they’re questioning is “involuntary” or “voluntary”. This is because, in my opinion, “voluntary” and “involuntary” aren’t really a dichotomy, but more of a spectrum. A spectrum that I personally believe nobody can truly exist on the two extreme sides of. And because I believe that thinking about this part too hard slows down the questioning process. All the fancy technicalities and fancy terminology can wait. An answer to that last question, a sense of selfhood or a sense of “wanting to be”, is honestly enough for me to take on an identity. I navigate myself with a bit of an anarchy in regards to my identity. I will be what I will be, whether I choose to be myself or not is irrelevant and says nothing to the validity of who I am.

Despite my identity having a partially voluntary nature, I still refer to it as a “kintype/fictotype”, and there are many reasons for this, starting with the fact that it is more widely used and understood terminology, and ending with the fact that I don’t really care about the semantic differences in the terms “otherkind” and “otherlink”, mostly because there are also involuntary aspects to my identity too. For example, there are many versions of myself that I could never cease being, because over time that choice became something that wasn’t a choice anymore. It can happen.

And I think ultimately, this is part of what people are referring to when they say they’re afraid of “faking” or “making up” their identities and experiences. They’re afraid of that voluntary potential. They’re afraid of choice. And I think part of that is some fear that voluntary identities are somehow less “genuine” or less fundamental to the sense of self. But, the thing is that you’re no less yourself if you’re self-made compared to someone who feels they had no choice than to be themselves. But really, the only way to fake being alterhuman/nonhuman is to consciously lie about it. If you didn’t think to yourself “I’m going to pretend to be a therian/otherkin/fictionkin/etc.”, then congratulations, you are a genuine member of the community.

Tl;Dr: Be who/what you want to be forever, you aren’t faking (I promise), and don’t worry about fancy terminology when you’re just trying to figure shit out.